This is a super-depressing post so bear with it. We didn't get through to next round of the debates. While a feeling of numbness was there yesterday, this morning it suddenly dawned on me what really happened and I am feeling the full force of it. It is all my fault that we lost. I should have started on Tuesday itself. I should have started them on their speeches earlier. I should have put them on the spot and questioned them until they couldn't take it. I should have listened to them and fired the instructor earlier. I should have read up on the topic more. I should have focussed on the debators themselves instead of trying to make it a worthwhile experience for all. But like in all situations, with the knowledge of hindsight it is always easier to say I should have...... It is easy to say knowing what happened that I should have done this and should have been prepared. But at the point I couldn't have known the competition we had. Oh that the trainer would be like that. Still the event is over with and I can't do anything to change it. I can only learn from it and be pleased that for a team that just started out this year, we have progressed. And next year we will do it again, only better. Thanks for all the hard work guys - I am really happy to have you in my CCA.

To the one I spoke out to - yes I think you got the message - and I understand.... I hope you will be alright as you are one of the humblest and most kind-hearted students I know and all I really hope for is for you to do well in life and be happy.

Ok I owe some people an apology. School finished early at 12 today and as a result, a meeting got pushed up and it upset the schedule. I will make it up to them next week. I also had to go to train the debate team as the competition is on Saturday. I fired the trainer after he and I had a showdown. Looking back it is quite funny as I was sitting down the whole time (was having pain after an injection) and trying to talk and he was getting agitated and walking around. In the end I decided it was best to part ways coz I didn't want my change agents in the wrong hands. And it was how he changed his words - in the beginning when he came they were very good and now he says they are not good at all and need a lot of work. So it didn't make sense. Well anyway I think it is better for the kids.

Its been raining like crazy!. I love the rain - especially thunderstorms. As long I am not stuck outside I love it how it gets dark - almost like it is night, then the wind howls and there is a cool breeze and then the rain starts - everything becomes wet and it feels so cold that it is time for a nice hot chocolate. Speaking of rain - thank you jasmine for the chocolates! You really made my day!

Exams and consultations

I have been seeing and hearing from students who have been coming back to school for consultation. I have been reading some blogs. And what I see and hear worries me. There are some who still at this point think that studying for 2 - 3 hours is enough and want to have whole day breaks coz they are too stressed from "all that studying" Then you read about students from other classes who have been studying 7 - 8 hours a day and still lamenting time is running out. AND then you get real worried. What are my kids doing gallavanting in town? (Applies to some only - i know the ones who are genuinely studying and taking small breaks) Some are still gaming. If they can't sacrifice one month and have to indulge in immediate pleasures, how are they going through life when they need to sacrifice a lot more of their time? You have to put in the hard work to get the grades you desire.

And to the one who says no need to work so hard coz the course he wants to apply to doesn't require high grades,- how stupid can you get? What if suddenly next year a lot of peope think the same way and apply for the course? And the standard is set higher? And you don't get in? What are you going to do then? Redo is it? Where are you going to redo it? You don't have the discipline to do it now as a school candidate and you think you can have same kind of resources as a private candidate? Talk about living in a dream world. Good luck! And no matter how much you want to advise them, they don't want to hear it coz they want to make their own mistakes. I mean, to come and say now - oh I haven't started this subject or that - hehe what to do - HELLO! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW! Stop waiting for other people to push you and motivate you.

Then there are those students who turn up for English consultations with head and shoulder shrugs.

Me: What did you bring?

Student: Huh must bring ah?/Bring what huh?

Me: Never mind - do this compre

You book one hour with me. I have a hell of lot of things to do. I put it all on hold so you can have uninterrupted time with me. Then you come empty-handed . You just ASSUME that I will have something for you. That tells me a lot about your attitude. Either it is plain laziness, blurness and flat out "heck care". If you have done something, then at least we can discuss. Or at least go through your file and write down what you don't understand. Then you learn something.

Oh the classic happened yesterday - a parent called to book consultation for her child ( good you are concerned about your child) but sounded unhappy when I had no slots left until Thursday. Then called again to book another slot next week - and wanted it at the convenience of the child. I didn't understand why the child couldn't make the phonecall. So next time the child goes for a job interview, the parent would sit in and answer the questions?

Space

Am up on a public holiday at ungodly hour. Some idiot called me on my handphone 4 times. The first time I ignored it and went back to sleep. Then this person called again and again. Finally I woke up cursing and am wide awake. I didn't recognise the number but the thought that was running through my head was that it was some students making me a last call before attempting something stupid and what if I didn't answer. So I get up and call the idiot. It was a wrong number. Someone who claimed he got an sms from this number and wanted to know who it was. SO SMS @! And at 5 in the morning! Did you really need to find out who it was that early in the morning? Now I am too hyped up to go back to sleep. Imagine thinking about the students even after they have left school. I have to stop this I really do -